In the Business of Death
by a.fictional.love
Summary: Lieutenant Andre Lennox returns to the 4077th for a visit, though the reunion is short lived when family matters force her to return to the States. But it's there, home and out of the line of fire, that the war may hurt her the most. Sequel to On the Front Line. Hawkeye x OC. T because I pretty much rate everything T to be safe.
1. Out of Sight

**TADA! Here it is, the sequel to my last M*A*S*H fic, On the Front Line, continuing a few months after Andi leaves the 4077th (if you're here and you haven't read On the Front Line: it's kinda important, definitely have to read that one first). This one stays a lot closer to specific events that happen in the series (as you'll see starting in this chapter) because the plot is directly connected to one episode in particular... :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own M*A*S*H or any of the affiliated characters (but now I own 2 stories :D)**

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Chapter 1: Out of Sight

"Oh, thank you, Hawkeye! It's freezing!" the nurses cooed.

"What do you expect? Spring time in Korea." He went about his business, joking with the nurses and lighting the stove. He struck the match.

"Be careful, Hawkeye" was the last thing anyone heard before the explosion that shook the entire tent. Chaos ensued. Everywhere in the camp, people heard the yells.

BJ started awake, not even bothering to get properly dressed as he bolted out the door. He ran to the nurses' tent, where he knew his friend was. Hawkeye, hands covering his face, stumbled out of the tent, flocked by the nurses in hysterics. BJ took over as Potter shouted orders to Klinger and Radar.

Hawkeye was led into the OR. He only knew that because of the little step he tripped over. No one remembered to help him over it; very few people remembered it was there at all. Stepping over it was habit, as long as you could see your general surroundings.

Which he couldn't.

After his head was wrapped and he was alone in the post-op ward, there were two things on his mind that came and went, to and fro, in an endless cycle. The first was the incredible feeling of despair he had when he thought about his sight. He started to shake when he thought about never operating again, never seeing again.

But then, he thought of Andi, who was coming in - what was it? Four days? Five days? He couldn't tell anymore. His senses were all jumbled. But she was coming, soon. She would talk to him and tell him that everything would be fine, and he would feel better just because she was there, whether she was right or not.

In the mean time, he needed something to do. He wasn't mortally wounded, so sitting on his butt was not an option. He got up from the cot and clumsily made his way around the ward, stopping to talk with patients that were awake. At one patient, he picked up the chart at the end of the bed and looked down at it.

"What are you doing?" the soldier asked.

"Right. I forgot. I'm new to this blind thing," Hawkeye explained. He was at least still in partially good spirits. Until Frank came in.

"Pierce! What are you doing?"

Hawkeye awkwardly went to the next bed. "I'm running a marathon. It's called Paces for Peace. I would've invited you, but I didn't think you'd be interested."

"Would you just lay down like a good patient?" Frank pleaded. He led Hawkeye back to his cot and gave him a less than gentle shove down on it.

"But it's so much more fun to give you a hard time. Oh! Can I have one of those bells? You know, the ones you ring when you need something? Please?" Hawkeye didn't hear a response. "Frank, your dirty looks are of no use to you right now."

"Right, well, it was a no," Frank said haughtily. With a sigh, Hawkeye flopped onto his cot. He hated to give Frank the satisfaction, but he had nothing else to do.

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**I know it's short but introductions usually are. Thoughts?**


	2. Approval All Around

**Thank you to anyone who read chapter 1 (I realize how short is was) and decided chapter 2 was worth looking at. This chapter is much longer!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own M*A*S*H or any of the affiliated characters**

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Chapter 2: Approval All Around

_Andi,_

_I'm sorry. I don't know what you're thinking, but I haven't forgotten about you. It's just been harder than you can imagine to do anything around here. I have a little time, so I'll fill you in as best as I can. These are things I would rather tell you in person, but I think you should know._

_ The past few weeks have been hectic and chaotic, to say the least. Henry got discharged, but he never made it home. Somewhere over the Sea of Japan, his plane was shot down. There were no survivors. That was four weeks ago, but none of us have really gotten over it._

_ Two weeks ago, I finally got my leave, though it didn't feel like one. Right after I got back, Radar told me that Trapper had gotten discharged too. He ran around the mess tent naked. Or so I'm told. He left without saying goodbye. I missed his plane by ten minutes._

_ All this week, we've been getting used to the new order of things. Our new surgeon, who shares the Swamp with me, is BJ Hunnicutt. No, I don't know what the BJ stands for. He's a lot like Trapper, but completely different. I think you'd like him._

_ Sherman Potter took over Henry's position. He's old army, a cavalry man. He's a good guy. His bark is worse than his bite...Unless you're Frank. Or Radar, who's absolutely terrified of the man. I think out of all of us, he took Henry's death the hardest. I like to think Radar and I have a special bond - he's both the child and pet I never had - but Henry was his father figure. You can't replace that. I worry about him._

_ We haven't gotten many wounded lately, but we're still neck deep in death around here. Trust me, it's all Frank's fault. I still haven't figured out how he screws up so easily so often. Even BJ's fresh mind has no new ideas. _

_ The weather is warming up around here, but it's taking its sweet time and the nights are still freezing. BJ and I have to pick the ice blocks off our feet each morning. You should see the sculptures that decorate the Swamp._

_ A boat load of wounded just came in. I almost forgot we're in a war._

_ Wishing you more warmth than we have here,_

_ Hawkeye_

* * *

Andi read the letter again. She lost count of how many times she'd seen the words; she'd almost memorized every single sentence Hawkeye had written her. The letter was crinkled from folding and unfolding repeatedly and had two or three tear stains on it.

But she hadn't been worried about Hawkeye forgetting her; the feelings in the pit of her stomach told her that would never happen. She was more worried about what had happened to him. Something had kept him from writing, and she now knew. She didn't like it.

"Ready?" Rick's agitated voice came from outside her door.

She grabbed her bag and opened it. "Yeah, let's go."

He led the way to the jeep and each braced themselves for the three hour drive. Andi wasn't sure why Hollis had assigned Rick to drive her. It was either a way to punish him, or a way to punish her. Maybe both.

They'd been driving for half and hour when Rick finally spoke up. "Why the hell do you want to go to another unit on your leave?"

Andi just shrugged. She wasn't going to bother explaining herself to Rick, who wouldn't understand anyway. Compared to the 58th, the 4077th _was_ a vacation. As soon as she'd received the letter, she talked with Hollis about sending her to the 4077th for her leave. Though slightly confused by the request, he'd taken care of it anyway. All she had to do was get through the ride.

Andi and Rick finally arrived at the 4077th two hours later. Rick had been ready to turn around and go back since the hour mark, and Andi wasn't much for spending time with him either. But as soon as she saw the sign "Best Care Anywhere" her face lit up. Then she saw her welcoming party.

Rick dropped her off and immediately left while Andi was enveloped in a large combined hug from Radar, Klinger, and Father Mulcahy. She turned to the two new men. The older and shorter one wore round glasses similar to Radar's. She figured he was Colonel Sherman Potter. She saluted and introduced herself. He nodded stiffly in reply, then cracked a smile after a moment, and the two shook hands. Then she turned to the tall, clean shaven, sandy-haired man, who was openly smiling.

"And you must be BJ," she said.

"You must be Andi," he replied.

Hawkeye was two for two; she like both BJ and Potter. At that thought, she looked around frantically. "Where's Hawkeye?"

BJ looked around at everyone else and hesitated. "No takers?" Klinger and Father Mulcahy exchanged awkward glances; Radar looked down and shuffled his feet. Potter gave BJ an apologetic look and patted him on the back. "Okay. Come with me then."

Three months had passed, but Andi could still remember where everything was. Of course, somethings had changed. The last time she had been there, a couple of the buildings had been blown up, so there were minor differences.

"You and Hawkeye are close? He told me all about you," BJ said, then hurried on. "Not in a stalker-ish way, though." Andi laughed. BJ watched her. Hawkeye had told him pretty much everything he knew about Andrea Lennox. It wasn't hard to figure out how taken Hawkeye was with her.

"Yeah. Ferr- uh, Major Burns went on a two week leave about three months ago, and I was the lucky winner chosen as his replacement. We spent a lot of time together." She stared off into the distance, looking at nothing in particular. BJ knew all about the O.R. shelling, and had a feeling that was what she was thinking about. After a minute, she snapped out of her trance and realized where they were headed.

"Why are we going to the post-op ward?" she asked, her entire being suddenly emanating worry. BJ blinked at the sudden change. Right then and there, he decided that he approved of Lieutenant Andrea Lennox. "Is he okay?" She sped up her pace a little.

BJ grabbed her arm before they entered the building. "Hawk is one of the only ones who can work the stoves. He was lighting one for the nurses, and it blew up in his face." Andi's hand involuntarily covered her mouth. "He's been stuck in the O.R. for four days with his entire head bandaged. The doctor is coming tomorrow to take them off, but we won't know..."

"He might lose his sight," she whispered. He nodded. That was all wrong, like some kind of alternate universe. A blind Hawkeye was like a humorless Hawkeye, or a stupid Hawkeye.

"I just thought you should know. He's been taking it kind of rough, but I think you'll really cheer him up," BJ said, smiling and opening the door. They walked into the ward. "Hey, Hawk? Someone's here to see you." BJ wanted to see just how close the two were. He found he liked spying on his best friend.

"Well that's good. If they had come for me to see them, we'd have a problem. Is it the President? General McArthur? If it's my discharge, I can take it..." he trailed off and the joking expression left what was visible of his face. He breathed in deeply. "Andi."

"Hawk," she said, dropping her bag and sitting next to him. "Oh, Hawk." She placed her hand on his shoulder to let him know she was there. He grabbed the hand and hugged her. "I missed you." She meant everything about him when she said that. Him, his jokes, his laugh, his hugs.

"I missed you too," he said, somewhat gloomy. He had her face plastered in his mind's eye, but it wasn't the same as seeing her, actually seeing her. And three months was a long time. Maybe she'd gotten a hair cut, or something. But he'd been right. Her mere presence made him feel ten times better.

BJ smiled at the reunion, aware that neither of the two was conscious of his company. He was fairly certain that neither of them cared anyway. He backed out of the room and left the building.

"Told you," Margaret said. He turned and saw her.

"I never said you were wrong," BJ explained, "I just said I'd like to see it for myself."

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**BJ being a meddling matchmaker...so much fun to come ;) leave a review!**


	3. Out of the Dark

**Officially a graduate! :) Can't believe it :O I'm positive it didn't feel that fast at the time, but looking back, ****all those corny things everyone says about four years flying by actually seem true. Congratulations to all my fellow graduates and to anyone who is already enjoying a vacation! My gift to you is this update.**

******and now for a brief aside: As I mentioned earlier, this story is very closely tied with actual events from the show because I, with my over-active imagination, watched the episodes after "On the Front Line" and thought, "What would have happened if I put Andi in there?" And so I did. That being said, the disclaimer needs a bit of tweaking...**

******Disclaimer: I do not own M*A*S*H or any of the affiliated characters. On the whole, I do not own the scene depicted in the chapter. I do not own pieces of Hawkeye's dialogue, which came directly from the show. **

******Now onward and enjoy!**

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Chapter 3: Out of the Dark

"Yeah, you'd think after being here for a year, I'd know my way around blindfolded," Hawkeye said. Andi laughed, but stopped when she saw Hawkeye grow serious. "But, you know something? When Dr. Overman comes in here and unwraps my package, I hope to God I'll have my sight back, but...something fascinating's been happening to me."

"What?" she asked, leaning in, like it was a secret. He was talking quietly.

"One part of the world closed down for me, but another part opened up," he started, trying to find a way to explain. He had a feeling that Andi would understand if he grunted and flailed his hands, but he needed to hear himself say the words too. "Sure, I keep picturing myself on a corner with a tin cup selling thermometers, but I'm going through something here I didn't expect. This morning, I spent two incredible hours listening to that...that rainstorm. And I didn't just hear it, I was part of it. I'll bet you have no idea that rain hitting the ground makes the same sound as steaks when they're barbecuing. Or that...that thunder seems to echo forever. And you wouldn't believe how funny it is to hear someone slip and fall in the mud. It had to be Burns.

"Andi, this is full of trapdoors, but, I...I think there may almost be some kind of advantage in this. I've never spent a more conscious day in my life. Do you get what I mean? It's different than just closing your eyes. This is completely shutting them down, having no access to them at all, and that makes all the difference." Andi stared blankly at him for a few moments. "Andi?"

"Hawk, I..." She didn't know what to say. "That's the most poetic thing I've ever heard." Hawkeye shrugged, and she cleared her throat awkwardly. "You missed your calling as a story teller."

He laughed. "I'll be writing my novel as soon as I get home." He paused, then added: "If I get home, that is."

"You'll make it home," she told him.

"Oh yeah?" He looked to her general direction. "Why's that?"

"Because I'd kill you if you didn't."

"That's quite a threat," he considered.

Andi nodded. "See? You have no choice."

"Obviously."

They sat in silence for a while. Andi closed her eyes and listened.

"Hawk?"

"Yes, dear?"

She smiled. "I know you said it isn't the same, but I'm still going to close my eyes and try."

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"Don't worry. It's going to be fine, Hawk," Andi said again the next morning. Everyone was sitting with Hawkeye in the post-op ward, crowded around his tiny cot, waiting for Dr. Overman to arrive. She took his hand, an action that did not go unnoticed by Margaret and BJ. They exchanged quick glances.

Hawkeye nodded. "I'm not worried. I was never worried. I skipped over worried, and went straight to scared out of my wits. Currently I'm somewhere between an anxiety attack and a conniption." His head perked up. "He's here." He squeezed Andi's hand tighter.

Dr. Overman entered the room, a little surprised to see so many people there, all surrounding Hawkeye. "Hello," the doctor said as he awkwardly wove his way between people and over to Hawkeye on the cot. "Now, you know that nothing is certain at this moment, Captain Pierce," he said, trying not to get anyone's hopes up. But everyone in that room knew Hawkeye was stronger than that. He was strong enough to take anything anyone in the war threw at him. He'd survived this far; a stove wasn't about to do him in. "Anything can happen."

Hawkeye nodded. "I know. Just do it."

The doctor gave a shrug. He'd given his patient time to prepare. "Keep your eyes closed." Dr. Overman slowly and gently began to unwrap the bandages from around Hawkeye's head. Hawkeye heard the entire room hold its breath, and hoped it would be the last thing he would be able to do with his super senses. Then he remembered to breathe and smelled that cool, fresh scent that was Andi. _That_, he wanted to be the last thing. "Now open your eyes a little. Make sure you cover them," Dr. Overman said when the bandages were off. "It will be bright. Just look down and give it a moment."

Slowly, Hawkeye opened his eyes for the first time in almost a week, just a crack. Even that hurt; it felt like staring into the sun. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to see, but for the moment, everything was white. He blinked a lot, and the whiteness faded into the light in the room. Colors and shapes came back to him, at first in a hazy blur, but then distinctly as more time passed. The first thing he saw clearly, looking down and shielding his eyes, was his and Andi's hands. Squinting a little, he brought his hand down from his eyes. He looked to see everyone in the room: BJ, Potter, Radar, Klinger, Father Mulcahy, Margaret, Frank, the nurses whose stove he had lit. Then he turned to his left.

There was Andi, looking at him anxiously. She _had_ cut her hair. It was just a little shorter, down a little past her shoulders. Her big, bright green eyes stared at him questioningly. He had been right; the picture of her in his mind had hardly done her justice.

"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes," he said. At once, the entire room let out a relieved sigh.

Hawkeye remembered shaking hands with Dr. Overman, then being enveloped in an enormous hug from everyone in the room - minus Frank, of course. But when everyone had dispersed a few minutes later and BJ had gone off to plan some sort of 'Congratulations on Not Being Blind' party, it was Andi who still held his hand.

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**You know what the best graduation gift would be? Filling that poor empty box below with some lovely reviews! Just a thought... ;)**


	4. Zero for Two

**Back from vacation and sincerely missing it...but it does mean updates more often!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own M*A*S*H or any of the affiliated characters**

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Chapter 4: Zero for Two

Dr. Overman gave Hawkeye his one and only warning for about the tenth time just before he left.

"I know, I know, I know!" Hawkeye groaned, his eyes shielded by his hand now that he was out in the sun. "No operating until tomorrow. Trust me, I can barely see my hand in front of my face out here. I'll take it easy, I promise." Dr. Overman casted a quick glance around him, eyes falling on Potter and BJ especially. The two surgeons gave the ophthalmologist silent nods. They would take care of Hawkeye, who knew better than to operate on a patient with only half his sight. Besides, there were no wounded to operate on.

Dr. Overman nodded. "All right. If you have any problems at all, you know where to find me." He got into his jeep and gave a final wave as it pulled away.

"You can't operate and you can barely see," Andi said. "What on earth are you going to do with yourself?"

Hawkeye shrugged. "Anything I want." The two were joined by BJ, who looked extremely excited. "I can...sing at the top of my lungs."

"Please don't," BJ said to himself, just loud enough that Andi knew it was a joke. She smiled at him.

Hawkeye ignored the comment. "I could read a book..." He trailed off as he thought about that, and its potential effects on his eyes. "Or not. I can...play pranks on Frank!"

"I heard that, Pierce!" Frank's angry voice carried from where he was standing with Margaret.

"That man has no sense of humor," BJ commented. "Well, I don't know how to help you out right now, but later, you're welcome to come to your own party."

"Am I really?" Hawkeye replied, pretending to be flattered. "Thanks, Beej. You know something?"

"I know lots of things."

"No one has ever invited me to my own party before."

BJ nodded. "I know. It's because I'm the only one that can stand you." He patted his friend on the shoulder.

"Okay, enough," Hawkeye gave BJ a friendly push. "Go perfect my party."

BJ turned and saluted. "Aye, aye, Captain."

Andi watched the episode with amusement and was reminded of the first time she'd seen Hawkeye and Trapper together, clad in their bathrobes, making fun of Ferret Face. She watched BJ walk away. Hawkeye had been spot on; he was a lot like Trapper, but completely different. She was willing to bet anything that he had come to the 4077th and had been pleasantly surprised by what he'd found. She knew she had been.

The following day, Hawkeye was allowed to return to the operating room. It was a good thing too; wounded came flooding into the unit by bus and helicopter. They needed their surgeon, and he wouldn't know what to do with himself anyway.

"Doctor, his blood pressure is dropping," Hawkeye's nurse said.

"I'm almost done, just hang on," Hawkeye replied quickly. Andi didn't know if he was talking to the nurse or the unconscious patient on the table. "Got it!" Hawkeye pulled the last piece of shrapnel from the man's stomach.

"Doctor, I have no pulse!" Hawkeye's nurse said frantically.

Hawkeye cursed under his breath, doing everything he could to get the man's heart going again. "Oh, no, buddy. You made it this far, you are not allowed to die on me!"

"Hawk!" BJ called. "Open heart massage!"

Hawkeye continued pressing on the man's chest. "BJ, don't go there-"

"Pierce!" Potter joined in. "You better open that man's chest right now, or so help me-"

"All right!" Hawkeye shouted back. "Scalpel." The entire room went quiet as Hawkeye quickly cut into the man's chest and massaged the heart. "Come on, come on," he said quietly.

"I've got a pulse," the nurse said a few seconds later. "Blood pressure is stabilizing."

Hawkeye took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Nice work, Pierce." Potter said.

"Yeah, well, nothing like a little push to help you along," he mumbled.

BJ looked at his friend, worried. "Why don't you leave a little early. We're on our last round." The suggestion was greeted with many agreements from all over the room, and Hawkeye exited the O.R., saying nothing.

"BJ?" Andi asked when she left the OR. She found the surgeon taking off his scrubs in the next room. "Can you explain to me what happened in there?"

BJ looked up at her. "Somehow, I keep getting stuck with all these explanations," he said. He led her outside and they started to walk to the Swamp. "Before I was here, Hawkeye performed an open heart massage. He saved the man's life."

Andi nodded, remembering what Trapper had said when she had visited three months ago. She remembered Hawkeye's expression too, and how Trapper had hastily changed the subject. "I know."

"Well, I was telling Hawkeye about a heart massage I'd seen back home in California, and he totally blanked. He went all stony. I'd only known him for a bit, but you get pretty close to people around here pretty quickly. Anyway, he told me about the only time he'd ever done one. That man he saved died a few hours later."

So that explained it. "He didn't want to do one again. If that patient dies..."

BJ nodded. "Exactly. That first one still sticks with him. Twice, I don't know how he would handle it. He's strong, but...Well, I know something like that would screw me up." The two continued to walk on in silence. They arrived at the Swamp. "I'm thinking about heading to the mess tent. Grab Hawk and go?" he invited.

"Sure," she replied. The two entered the tent to find Hawkeye, collapsed on his cot, sound asleep.

"I think he's going to pass on that for now and come over a little later," BJ said, writing a little note for his friend, in case he was hungry when he woke up.

"Sleeping Beauty has arrived," BJ teased when Hawkeye entered the mess tent an hour later. Hawkeye grabbed a tray, piled it with the semi-edible food, and took his seat next to BJ, across from Andi.

"I'll have you know, I was enjoying my slumber. I dreamed of edible food," Hawkeye replied. Andi let out a breath of relief and shared a quick look with BJ; they new he was okay.

"I wouldn't want to wake up from that either," Andi mumbled, eyeing her coffee, which actually tasted better than it had the last time she had tried it.

"There you go again with the Revolutionary Tar," Hawkeye said.

BJ turned to her, eyes wide. "You're drinking decaf?"

"She doesn't drink regular," Hawkeye explained.

BJ's eyes were nearly bugging out of his head now. "You don't drink regular?" he repeated.

"She doesn't like how it tastes." Hawkeye replied.

"Where did you come from? Outer space?"

"Hazel, New Hampshire," she retorted. "That town can't make a decent pot of coffee to save itself, anyway."

Hawkeye, who had been eyeing a pile of strange brown goo on his tray, put down his fork and looked at her. "Wait, you're from New Hampshire?"

Andi nodded, her mouth full of coffee. "Right on the border of Maine. Hazel's just a little north of the White Mountain Forest," she said.

Hawkeye grinned. "No kidding? I used to take trips out to the forest all the time. I'm about an hour from the border."

"Where?" Andi couldn't believe they had never talked about where they were from.

"I proudly represent Crabapple Cove, Maine," he said, standing up a little straighter.

"Well, I feel out of place with all you New Englanders," BJ said. "California boy."

Hawkeye turned. "You are? We don't like you. Go away." The three talked and laughed some more before Radar entered the mess tent. He spotted Hawkeye and came over.

"Uh, Captain Pierce? Hawkeye?" Radar was quiet and hesitant, looking down at his feet.

"Radar, what is it?" Hawkeye asked, thinking something was wrong. Radar looked back up at Hawkeye. One look told the surgeon everything he needed to know. "Excuse me," Hawkeye said, his expression suddenly stony. He left his tray and his friends, then exited the tent.

"The patient died," BJ said sadly. It was more of a statement than a question, but Radar nodded anyway. Andi got up and went after Hawkeye. Once outside, she saw him ahead of her, and ran to catch up. She took his hand and started leading him elsewhere.

"Andi?" he said, somewhat surprised, but still lacking in his usual emotion. She didn't respond, just kept pulling him along behind her. He didn't object; he had no idea where he would go anyway.

Andi was glad Hawkeye wasn't refusing to go with her. He followed her until they were standing under her tree. She didn't saying anything, didn't look at him. She just waited. While they walked, Hawkeye's anger and guilt had been flooding inside of him. He was trying to fight it off, but realized that Andi wouldn't be going anywhere until he let it all out.

So he did.

He turned and pounded his fist on the sturdy tree trunk. "Dammit!" he yelled loudly. He ran his hands through his hair. "He always wins!" he said, venting to Andi. "Why does he always win? No matter what I do, no matter how many people I save, he's always there, one step ahead of me. Just when I think I finally beat him, he pops up again!" He took a few deep breaths, and quieted down a little, sitting under the tree. Andi went and kneeled in front of him. "Andi, the last time I-"

"I know," she said. "But I don't know who you're talking about."

"Death," he replied, his eyes shooting daggers at the vacant space in front of him, as if Death were right there. "I saved that man. I saved them both. But he always gets the last word. It's those two, the two that I couldn't save...They're the ones I don't forget, the ones that drive me mad. I brought them back, and he still gets them. It's like he's somewhere next to me, pointing and laughing because he got the best of me."

"Your track record is better than his, if you ask me," Andi said quietly, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"No, I don't mean like that. We save so many people, but they never died. It's those two, the ones whose hearts stop beating, the ones who die. I brought them back, but they were already his. I'm zero for two against him."

He sighed. "Listen, I know the whole 'you can't save them all thing', but...I don't know. It still makes me feel like I've failed." He was silent for a while, and he sat down under the tree, leaning his head back against the trunk and closing his eyes. Andi waited for a moment, then sat down beside him, content with the silence.

"Thank you," he said a little while later, giving her a smile.

"Any time you need to yell, you come find me," she teased lightly. She got up and pulled him to his feet. "Now, today's almost over. I have three days left here. I can't be wasting my time under a tree."


	5. A Reason

**Off to the next vacation destination! At least, that's what I'm telling myself to get through the 8 our car ride to my national competition...but I'm bringing my laptop, so don't worry about updates, they'll be coming!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own M*A*S*H or any of the affiliated characters. I also do not own the spectacular Potter quotation (which I gave to BJ). I'd like to say those fantastic words of wisdom are mine, but I'm still waiting for the day when I say something so beautifully true.**

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Chapter 5: A Reason

"Oh, Margaret," Frank was saying as Hawkeye and BJ entered the mess tent the following evening after a long day of surgery. The two was sitting at a table together, eating. Frank was whining again, and Margaret was listening intently. "It was awful! Just terrible!" Hawkeye and BJ, eavesdropping, of course, waited to hear the rest. "I dreamed last night that everyone revolted against me. They chased after me with scalpels!" He shuddered, remembering it.

"Oh, Frank," BJ said as he and Hawkeye passed. "You're so paranoid. That would never happen."

Hawkeye nodded in agreement. "Trust us, Frank, if we wanted you dead, you'd be dead already."

The two walked to another table with their trays. Margaret understood, but Frank got a silly grin on his face and sat up a little straighter. Then his face fell. "Hey!" he called, but Hawkeye and BJ ignored him. Margaret rolled her eyes and pulled him to his feet.

In his own seat, Hawkeye looked around.

"Something wrong?" BJ asked, eating around some odd, green lump on his tray.

"Do you know where Andi is?"

BJ looked up at that and searched himself. He didn't see her either. "I haven't seen her since surgery." He paused, unsure of how to begin the conversation. With a sigh, he decided to just dive in head first. "You know, Hawk," he said quietly. "You should, um...tell her."

Hawkeye fixed his gaze on BJ now, who was playing with the green lump again for something to do. He didn't know how this talk would go. Hawkeye himself was a little surprised, mostly because he'd had this exact conversation with Trapper for the exact reasons, and it had basically started the exact same way. He was prepared for it this time.

"Beej, I've had this chat before."

BJ let out a sigh of relief. "Good. Then you know what I'm talking about."

"I tried. I tried to tell her," Hawkeye admitted.

BJ raised an eyebrow. "Well, you obviously didn't try that hard."

Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "I did! But then she started saying how much she would miss everyone, and how hard it was for her to leave. I would have only made it harder."

"She could put in for a transfer here," BJ suggested.

Hawkeye shook his head. "She's got a life at the 58th. I don't want her to throw that away."

"I think she's got a life here too," BJ said. Hawkeye didn't know. "Look, Hawk. When you love somebody, you're always in trouble. There's only two things you can do about it: either stop loving them, or love them a whole lot more. You haven't seen her in four months, and you still love her. You're not going to stop, so tell her." That was two. Both of his best friends told him to do it. "Despite what you think, I think you're hurting her more by not telling her."

"I-"

"There you guys are!" Andi entered the tent and jogged over to them, her entire face spread in a smile. "I need to ask your opinions on something."

"Shoot," Hawkeye said as she sat next to him

"Hypothetically, how would you respond if I told you I would be around here more often?"

"I would run away screaming," BJ replied.

"Hypothetically, of course," Hawkeye added.

"Okay, and what would you say - and we're still hypothetical here - if I said I put in for a transfer?" She beamed at them.

Hawkeye blinked a few times and ignored BJ's look directed at him. "You put in for a transfer? To here?" Andi nodded, still smiling. "What about the 58th?"

Andi flicked her hand, as if she were waving away the unit. "I told you once before, I'd rather be in this hellhole than that one. I talked to Potter, and he said it might take a while, about a month or two, and I have to contact the 58th, but still...What do you think?"

"I think that the army should get its butt moving on that transfer," Hawkeye said.

* * *

"I told you," BJ said again in the Swamp. Frank was sound asleep, but he and Hawkeye were lying awake, staring up. "Now try and talk your way out of telling her."

Hawkeye rolled his eyes at his best friend, who was having a grand time. "Yes, you're right. You're absolutely right. You're always right."

"I know, I know," BJ said, waving an imaginary crowd to silence. "But, seriously, Hawk. Tomorrow is her last full day. She has to get back to the 58th early to discuss the transfer, so you have a good twenty-four hours to say something. And if you don't, I will." Hawkeye looked up at BJ as he turned off the light and rolled over. "Just warning you."

* * *

The following morning, Hawkeye rose from his cot, his stomach all twisted inside.

"Go get her, Champ," BJ said as Hawkeye walked out. Hawkeye shot him one more look, which BJ received with a smile.

"Come in," Andi responded to the knock at her door. Hawkeye entered.

"Can we talk?" he asked, still holding the door open. Andi went outside and the two started walking. "So, uh, how do you think your unit will take the transfer?"

Andi shrugged. "Colonel Hollis will be the only one who would really miss me. The men there...they're not like you guys. They care that I'm a woman. It bothers them. The only reason they don't say anything is because they'd have hell to pay with Hollis. We're really not that close there."

She shrugged. "That's why I like it here. You guys are the craziest, strangest, most dysfunctional unit in Korea, but you're a family. All the time we've spent together, you and me, with Trapper or BJ...I can't remember a time when I had a conversation there even remotely like the ones I have with you guys everyday. We don't talk about where we went to college or our families back home. No one there knows I drink decaf, and if they do, they don't say anything. Here, everything is informal...personal." She smiled at him, then added, "And you have no idea how refreshing it is to not have to salute people every stinking minute."

"We'll be glad to have you. You'll make it three surgeons."

"Three?" she asked, counting.

Hawkeye nodded. "You see, there's me, BJ, and Potter, but one of us has to cancel out Frank, so there are only two surgeons on any day. With you, we'll have three."

"Four," she said, nudging him lightly with her elbow. "You're good enough to count as two."

"Fine then," he corrected himself as they arrived at the tree. "Four."

"You like this spot?" he asked.

"I found it the first time I came here," she explained. "It was that first big wave of wounded. They probably all mix together for you, but that was the first time for me. There were so many...I just needed some quiet when it was all over." She laughed out loud. "I'll never forget, I found Klinger sitting in the grass, reading a book in his sundress."

Hawkeye laughed with her. "Yeah, he does that sometimes."

"It's just so peaceful here. The branches, they spread out above me, like they're keeping everything else away, giving me a chance to relax." He just watched her as she closed her eyes and felt the sun on her face. Then her eyes popped open and she blushed a little. "Hawk, I'm sorry. You needed to talk to me and I just kept rambling." She placed a hand on his shoulder, but he caught it and turned it so the palm was facing up. A thin, white line ran across it. He traced it with his finger, sending chills all the way up her arm.

"Remember that day?" He glanced up at her with his eyes. She nodded, her voice choosing not to work for the moment. He was referring to when the jealous nurse had accidentally slashed her hand with the scalpel...The memory of the conversation with Margaret came flooding back to her, and her heart raced. "And then we barely got any sleep because more wounded came in." He was still holding her hand, and she barely registered anything but him. "There was that jerk that wouldn't let you operate on him, and the patient with survivor's guilt." She continued to nod, though he kept his gaze on her scarred palm. "But you know what was the worst? When we got hit with all the shells." She looked at him, confused, when his eyes met hers. He hadn't told her about that day for him.

"It was right after you'd left. The shelling started, and we were stuck in the O.R. Radar came in and told us that all units near the front were getting hit. And the roads were too. And you were on the roads. You were somewhere out there, in the middle of the fire, probably without any protection. We did everything we could that day, and I was so tired and delirious...But that night, I kept seeing you, all battered and bruised, bloody and broken. For all I knew, you were dead in a ditch somewhere." He continued to lightly move his finger around her palm, tracing the lines.

"Radar helped me get in contact with the airport, and they were still getting shelled. No flights in or out, and that's where you were headed, so you could have been there. They checked and...said that there was no Andrea Lennox, but they'd contact us if they found anything else. They hadn't finished identifying the dead."

Finally, he looked at her and held her gaze, not looking back down at her hand "Andi, I was terrified. I didn't know if you were alive. Then you came back, and everything was right again. And then, it happened again, when you were trapped in the O.R. I had no clue what was going on, where you were." He chuckled lightly and shook his head. "You're really good freaking me out, you know that?" He took a step closer to her. "I found you, and you were okay, again...but if you had died...I don't know what I would have done."

"Hawk, I..." she trailed off. Her voice finally came to her, but she didn't know what to say.

"I guess...that BJ was right."

"About what?" She whispered, finding herself unable to make her voice any louder.

He raised his hand and slowly brushed his fingers across her cheek before cupping her face, sending goosebumps down her neck. Her eyes closed ever so slightly for just a moment as she responded to his touch, automatically turning her head into his palm. When she brought her gaze back up, he was looking directly into her eyes, his own open and vulnerable. "He said that if you love someone, you either let them go, or love them more. I still have nightmares about that day, Andi. I can't let you go."

* * *

**Yes, that is how the chapter ends. Yes, there is more to come. Yes, I do enjoy torturing you all. LOTS OF LOVE 3**


	6. Homeward Bound

**Continuing after that little romantic cliffhanger ;) Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own M*A*S*H or any of the affiliated characters**

* * *

Chapter 6: Homeward Bound

Her face remained blank, mouth parted in a small 'o' and eyes noticeably wider than usual. His hand dropped from her cheek and he hurried on.

"And I tried to tell you that night after the party we had for you, but then you started saying how much you were going to miss us, how hard it was for you to leave, and I just didn't want to make that harder for you, and Trapper and BJ kept telling me-"

She cut him off. Halfway through his next word, she kissed him.

He recovered after a moment, and returned the kiss. He wasn't surprised at all to find that, like with her head on his shoulder, she seemed fit there perfectly too. She smiled against his lips, and he pulled her a little closer to him.

He could feel the blood rushing through his body, and attributed the new, low sound to his pumping heart. But something was wrong; the sound was growing louder, verging on obnoxious. As a doctor, he knew it wasn't what a heart sounded like. As a soldier he knew it was the _chop chop chop_ of an approaching helicopter. He moaned slightly, and pulled away.

Yes, that was definitely a helicopter. Somewhere in the distance, they could both hear something being announced over the PA system.

"I hate this job," he grumbled.

* * *

"Idonwanneat," Hawkeye mumbled unintelligibly. He was nearly asleep on the table.

"Huh?" BJ asked, only slightly more awake. Ten hours in surgery meant that no one had slept in at least twenty-four hours. Sitting beside Hawkeye, Andi gave a huge yawn.

"I'm looking for a Lennox? Andrea Lennox, Lieutenant?" A man walked into the tent with the uniform of an army messenger.

"Over here," Andi raised her hand. The man came over and handed her a piece of folded paper. "What's this?"

"Telegram from the 58th. It just came in." His message successfully delivered, the messenger left.

Hawkeye raised his head up to look at Andi while she read the message. He knew something was wrong when she bit her lip. She finished the letter, and put it down on the table. Hawkeye waited a moment, then asked, "Andi?"

"They're sending me home for a month." Hawkeye and BJ exchanged glances, wondering if she would explain further. She cleared her throat. "My father died." Her eyes started to water. "I have to pack." She rose from the table and left the tent.

Hawkeye and BJ stared at where she exited. Hawkeye looked to his friend, who gave him a brief nod. In seconds, he was out of the tent, catching up to her right before she reached her tent. "Andi?"

She shook her head, refusing to say anything, but she at least allowed him into the tent with her. Immediately, she set about packing. "Andi? Talk to me," he tried again, but still received no response. Hawkeye waited for a minute, but then he started to worry even more; she always talked to him. He caught her arm and made her look at him. "It's okay to cry."

She shook her head and threw the shirt she was holding into her bag. "It's not that," she said. "I don't know why I'm crying!" She seemed more angry than sad.

"Andi, you're dad-"

"No!" she interrupted, and quickly realized how loud and harsh her voice had been. She sighed, took his hand, and sat him next to her on the cot. "My father just died, not my dad."

Joking aside, Hawkeye drew his eyebrows together. "I don't follow."

She held up the telegram. "This man is my biological father. Nothing more. He ran out on my mom when I was two or three. A few years later, she met George, my dad. He did everything. He took care of us, taught me how to ride a bike, helped me with my homework. He encouraged me to do everything I wanted to do. _He _was my dad." Hawkeye listened to the words and watched as the shining twinkle in her eyes grew. Then it dissipated. "He died in World War II, and then my father came back. I don't understand why, but my mom took him back. I was already in med school by that time, and I only saw him when I decided to go home for the holidays, which I did less of when he was there. He did absolutely nothing for me, so I don't know why I'm crying."

As much as he wanted to, he didn't know either. But he did stay with her as she packed up her things and furiously wiped away the tears that leaked out.

* * *

A few hours later, Hawkeye was walking Andi to the jeep. She was all set to go to the airport and fly home.

"You know," he said as they walked. "If you're up to it, you could go check out Crabapple Cove, see my town."

"Yeah? What can I do there?"

"You can go to Kringles, only the best diner in Maine."

"Says who?"

"Yours truly," he joked. "But they really do have the best fries. And, if you wanted to, my...my dad still lives there. Daniel Pierce." He looked at her, unsure of how she'd respond.

"I think I might," she replied, much to his relief, just as they reached the jeep. BJ, Klinger, Radar, Father Mulcahy, and Potter were all there to see her off.

"Keep an eye on him, would you?" she joked with BJ.

"I always do," he replied.

She turned to Hawkeye, who held his arms out for a hug. She walked up to him and kissed him instead, not caring that they were in the middle of a crowd of people. After, she wrapped her arms around him. "Be safe," he said, remembering the last time he'd sent her off. "Please."

She nodded. "I will. And you write to me. Everyday."

"Twice a day if I must," he replied.

"Good," she said. She kissed him again, then climbed into the jeep.

* * *

**Reviews make me happy :)**


	7. Letters

**It's a little short, but I thought it would be clever (Yes? No? Maybe?) to have a letter chapter**

**Disclaimer: I do not own M*A*S*H or any of the affiliated characters**

* * *

7. Letters

_Hawk,_

_ I guess one month is the average time the army gives when there's a death in the family; time for the funeral, time for mourning, time to get all the affairs in order. The funeral was the day after I got back, and for the last ten days, I've been helping my mom. That's about it. So yesterday, I went up to Crabapple Cove. It's a nice little town, I have to admit. I stopped in Kringles, and you're right, of course, they are the best fries I've ever had._

_ I met your dad. I don't know if you get this a lot, or hate to hear it, but he reminds me of you. And you know what? I think he likes me. You were the major conversation topic. He showed me a lot of old pictures, and you look good in a football uniform. I try to visit him as often as I can. My mom's handling things in her own way, so it's actually better to leave her to cooking and cleaning. The house is overflowing with casseroles and smells of cleaning products so much that it gives me headaches, so I spend a lot of time with him. I think he likes the company. _

_ Things are still the same here. Can you believe that? Everywhere I go, I expect to turn the corner and be back in the O.R. No matter what goes on there, or what we've been through, nothing over here is different. I used to think that here was the real world and Korea was the nightmare. Now, Korea is the most real thing I know. If it weren't for the newspaper headlines, I'd think I just left one world and entered another. Most of the time I wake up and think I'm in my tent. It's weird, but a pleasant surprise not to be._

_ Even though I can take a shower and eat real food, I miss you. And everyone else, so give them my love. But mostly you._

_ Love,_

_ Andi_

* * *

_Andi, _

_ When I didn't get a letter the day after you left, I started to worry. Just ask BJ. It was a rather trying time for me._

_ I'm glad you like the fries. I'm glad you met my dad. I'm glad he likes you. I'm glad you think I look good in a football uniform. I'm not so glad that I'm a major discussion topic. If he showed you any bathtub pictures, please, for your own sanity, forget you saw anything. If he didn't show you, forget this conversation._

_ I miss you. Actually, around here, we all miss you. Except Frank, who's oblivious to everything, so don't take that personally. With you gone, we're back down to two doctors, three if you count me as two._

_ Speaking of Frank's incapability as a surgeon, Potter's been hard at work with your transfer request. He's not one to admit it, so I will for him. He likes you, or at least thinks you'll be more of a help than Frank. He got the forms, signed them, and sent them out to the 58th. Hollis just sent them back with his signature yesterday, and Potter is getting ready to send it in with the rest of the mail. Now it's just waiting for that official stamp of approval. By the time you get back, you'll be stuck with us for good. Hope you don't mind._

_ And stop bragging. I haven't had a decent shower or a decent meal since I went on leave. And, mind you, it was only decent. Dream or no dream, I'd like to see my dad, take a really long shower, eat real food, maybe take you out to dinner one night._

_ We've got patients everywhere and I find myself elbow-deep in some man's stomach eight out of seven days a week. Nothing has changed since you were last here. I go out to that tree a lot; it really does help clear my head. It's where I am right now. BJ came with me once and said I started grinning like an idiot. He doesn't know why._

_ Give my dad my best._

_ Love you,_

_ Hawkeye_


End file.
